By Patrick Conarro / Guest Columnist -------------- June in north Georgia is a favorite month of mine. Longer days, warmer weather, a break from school, plus maybe a little vacation time—all of that comes in June. In our family it's also a busy month for birthdays, including my father who was born on June 15. He would have been 95 this year. My brother recently shared a photo of our father. In the picture Dad was riding on his tractor. He looked active and happy, the way we all remember him before chronic heart failure finally caught up with him a week shy of his 64th birthday. That picture called to mind all sorts of thoughts regarding not just our own father, but the grander concept of fatherhood and all that it represents, in a home, in a community, in a nation.
The narrow biological definition of a father is "the male parent who contributes half the genetic transfer to offspring." That's about as clinical as it gets. Our best concept of fatherhood is much broader, ideally including an active and supportive role in raising those "offspring."
Being present and committed, and remaining willing to sacrifice on behalf of those under his care is the hallmark of a good father—a leader and a protector. The Latin word root for father is “pater,” as in patron or patriarch, which makes good sense when you consider the foundational role good fathers play in a thriving society.
My siblings and I were blessed with an exemplary father, one who led by example and who taught by principle. He looked at life from the big picture, and he urged us to do the same. Raising us using that approach, he showed us that the various disappointments that life will inevitably bring—not making the ball team, losing a girlfriend or boyfriend, having a tough time at school—become opportunities to learn. To learn to get up, to dust yourself off and get back into the game. In a word, resilience.
There were two lessons he repeated often. The first was "This world doesn't owe you a thing.” And, related, he would say, "Your right to swing your hand in the air ends where the other guy's nose begins." These were curious concepts to us as young kids, certainly, but they made more sense as we got older. In short, he was teaching us two vital concepts—responsibility and accountability.
Those admirable old-school traits were present in abundance in decades past in America. And this year, on the occasion of the 80th anniversary of D-Day on June 6, it makes sense to ponder the "fatherly" aspects of all those troops with respect to the country that they fought to protect. Of course, many of those soldiers were still teenagers themselves. And yet they were leaders and protectors, both responsible and accountable. Which tells you that these people have qualities that are not conferred by age alone. Rather it's their view of the world and their role in service to those who will follow.
Our Dad was definitely from that school of thought. He had a sharp sense of humor, but he was not given to frivolity. And though he had a warm personality and was always open to a talk, he was not our pal—we could and did garner friends elsewhere. Instead, his role was as our leader and protector.
We still miss him. And we think of him during this month that holds not just his birthday and the anniversary of his death, but also of course, Father's Day.
Every so often Father's Day fell on the same day as Dad's birthday. As young kids, we were fine with the notion that one measly little card from all six of us would suffice for both occasions.
No matter, because he cared not a bit about the cards or the cakes. He simply wanted his children to understand and employ the principles in which he believed.
In our day-to-day lives, he was present, but not omnipresent. He was involved, but not hyper-involved. Whenever we needed him, he was there. But otherwise we enjoyed a healthy measure of freedom, allowing us to make our own mistakes and to learn—and then to try to improve. To this day, we are all grateful for that style and for his wisdom. There are different ways to be a good father. His way worked well for us.
Beyond our family calendar, and living here in Dahlonega, June is noteworthy for an entire month's worth of gazing at our roadside memorial markers, placed to pay grateful homage to local citizens with a military service history in defense of our country. Those markers go up before Memorial Day and stay up through July 4.
It dawned on me last week that there was—and is—a certain "fatherhood" aspect to the sacrifices made that day (and in every conflict) for the benefit of so many, far into the future. Many of the same words apply. Dutiful. Committed. Responsible. Accountable.
The selflessness that helps make a good father is also required of an individual who takes part in such an altruistic endeavor as D-Day. How would we handle that situation today? That's a tough question.
We wondered that out loud at our Rotary Club meeting last week when UNG President Michael Shannon informed us that military veterans comprise only six percent of the current population of the U.S. That's a small number. Will that small fraction be sufficient if harm comes calling? Just asking that question reminded me of another word derived from the Latin word pater—“Patriot.”
