Video phoning it in

Did you know you can video chat on Instagram?

I do.

Oh..I do.

But not on purpose.

And I probably would have never known this was an option if I didn’t decide to send a message to a famous person the other day.

All right Jason Rekulak may not be famous to everyone. But he’s one of my favorite authors. His first novel Impossible Fortress was so good that I actually sent him a message on Instagram telling him how much I enjoyed it a few years ago. I didn’t expect him to actually answer, but within minutes he replied with a hearty thanks and best wishes. Like a real person! 

I pushed my luck and asked him if there would be a sequel and he said that he was working on something different. A creepy story about a nanny who babysits for a kid who has strange visions of a ghost lady in his room at night.

That book was called Hidden Pictures.

It was released earlier this month. And I read it faster than anything I’ve ever read that doesn’t have the words “Harry Potter” in the title. 

And so I decided to send him another congrats. It needed to be good though. The other day Stephen King tweeted about him, calling the book “a one-of-a-kind thriller.”  So now Jason Rekulak is becoming an even more famous famous-person.

That’s when it all went wrong. Because all of the sudden, as I began to compose an Instagram message, my phone started to make a ringing sound. And all of the sudden, I was looking at my face. 

Why? 

Why was I looking at my face??

I’ll tell you why. Because somehow, someway, I was making a video chat call to the famous Jason Rekulak. 

“No,” I said sternly to my phone.

I looked for a hang up button. Some kind of X or cancel icon. But there wasn’t one. And the phone kept ringing.

“No no no,” I said.

My phone wasn’t listening. My phone kept ringing.

I was standing in the kitchen at the time and in a panic. Should I throw it in the freezer and close the door? Throw it in the microwave and turn it on? Throw it in the trash can and take it the curb? 

I grew up with a big yellow rotary phone in our kitchen and we didn’t have these kinds of problems. If you wanted to hang up you just slammed down the receiver with a satisfying clang. Call ended.

I remember watching the Jetsons as a kid and thinking how great it’d be one day in the bright shiny future when we’d communicate though space-aged video screens. Now that it’s here, the FaceTime call has to be one of the most dreaded forms of communication. No one is ever prepared to receive one right? And especially from an unknown number right?!

Meanwhile the phone kept ringing. 

And I imagined Jason Rekulak on the other side of the line attempting to obtain a restraining order with his local police department. Finally I wised up, closed down the app entirely and the cursed ringing halted. 

But now there was a missed video chat notification on Jason Rekulak’s page and I knew I couldn't leave that hanging. 

I quickly sent a follow up message letting him know that I really enjoyed his book and I also just figured out what an Instagram video chat was. 

Surely he wouldn’t reply to all that craziness. And that would be completely understandable.

“Ha no worries,” he said, replying to all that craziness. “Thanks Matt! I am glad you enjoyed it!”

Really this column wasn’t intended to be a book review, but if you like cleverly scary books written by exceedingly friendly authors, then you should check out Hidden Pictures. 

And if you enjoy it, feel free to let my good friend Jason know. 

Just make sure your phone is near the freezer first.